Bereaved children
Information for parents
Whether sudden or expected, few life events have a greater impact on children and their families than the death of a family member or close friend. Children's grief is often an emotional rollercoaster. Every family makes sense of and copes with grief in their own way.
However there are some important elements to remember:
- Grief is normal, is not an illness or something to simply 'get over'
- Children are affected by bereavement in different ways, some may be sad or withdrawn, others may be angry or challenging, or may not show any signs
- Grief is an ongoing process which children and young people revisit as they grow up
- Children need the help of supportive adults to learn to live with the death of a loved one
Given the right support and information children and young people can be helped to understand what has happened and adapt to a life without their loved one. It is important to ensure that all bereaved families have the support they need when they feel the time is right.
It is important to talk with children and young people about funerals, and Rosedale Funeral Home has produced a short film, together with some resources, details of which you can find here:
What happens at a funeral - Leaflet - What happens at a funeral - Film
Many children and young people will experience bereavement at some point in their lives.
- Use simple, direct language appropriate to their level of understanding
- Use the terms 'died', 'dead', and 'death' - euphemisms such as 'we've lost Grandpa' or 'Grandma has gone to another place' are confusing. Children are helped to understand by hearing the language that fits this new experience
- Keep children informed about what has happened and what will happen (e.g. about the funeral)
- Check how much they have understood
- Answer questions openly. If you don't know an answer, say you will find out and come back to them. If you feel the answer is too difficult for them to hear, explain that honestly
- Repeat explanations more than once
- Reassure them that they are not to blame
- Allow and encourage the safe sharing of feelings and thoughts
- Listen to their feelings, worries, memories.
There are various forms of support available including:
- Information and education to ensure children and their families understand death and what it means to them
- Support to empower families/carers to access information to meet their individual needs
- Educational settings can offer some support to children and young people and ensure that their specific needs are met within the learning environment
- Help for families to find ways of remembering the person that has died
- Encouragement for families to talk openly about their loss and grief and their memories
- Opportunities to meet other children and families with similar experiences
- Access to specialist support services when needed
Helping you to support bereaved children and young people is an information leaflet for anyone supporting bereaved children and young people.
You can speak to your child's school if you need to access additional support for them.
For further information contact our Customer Service Centre on 0344 800 8020. If you are a school or Early Years Setting, advice is available from the Critical Incident Lead Officer (EPSS).
Support
In Norfolk, support to children and young people can be offered by the bereavement charity Nelsons Journey, children and young people can also download an app called Smiles and Tears.
For children and young people who are experiencing mental health problems following bereavement please contact Point 1.
Children and young people with an adult family member with a life-limiting illness can access support via the psychological service for specialist palliative care
If the family member has cancer, the Big C also offers support.
The Nook - Norfolk - East Anglia's Children's Hospices
Support for adults is available via Cruse.
For further information you could try the following websites:
Family support - Big C Cancer Charity
What happens at a funeral - Rosedale Funeral Home
We would like to encourage all parents to talk with your children about dying, all children will experience death. Please have a look at the other sections in this category as well, as it might also give you some further information.
A useful leaflet 'Talking to children about dying' has been published by Dying Matters.
